I will fake it until I make it!

All about the escapades and thoughts of a girl who thinks WAY too much for her own good!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

The Thing about Italian Men

WARNING, WARNING! This blog contains sexually related content. Do not read if you are one of my brothers, my nephew, or my Dad as it may embarrass you! The rest of you may proceed.

Before I came to Italy I was warned about Italian men. “Don’t look them in the eye and don't smile at them,” I was told repeatedly. “In Italian culture eye contact and smiling is a signal you are interested and it’s okay for them to approach you. Italian men are quite forward. And all they think about is sex.”

“Well, that’s inconvenient!” I thought to myself. In business and in self defense women are taught to walk with confidence and purpose, to keep our heads held high and look people directly in the eye. And how am I supposed to not smile? It’s all I do! “Okay, okay,” I told myself. “No looking at men in the eye.”

I was also warned that Italian women are very jealous and if they catch you looking at “their man,” be prepared because they will have words with you about it. “It’s best just to keep your head down when walking and if you bump into someone don't bother saying scuzi because no one does.” Great! I get to go to one of the most beautiful destinations in the world, never talk to anyone, and the only thing I’m going to see is the pavement!

For the first month and I half I followed this advice. I averted my eyes at all costs. I mostly kept my head down and walked the “city walk.” This is not easy to do by the way, when you have no idea where you are going and you have to look up to the side of a building to discover what street you are on! It’s definitely an acquired skill.

During the month of November, Rome experienced an indian summer. Winter coats were not necessary until the very end of the month. One night, when I was in a particularly good mood, I decided to head out to the City Center for dinner on my own. This required a 25 minute walk from my apartment. I was enjoying the warm Mediterranean air and had a bounce to my step. About 15 minutes into my walk I saw a gorgeous Italian man walking my way with a motorcycle helmet in his hand.

He was distinctively tall for an Italian (6 feet 2 inches) and had the quintessential thick, wavy brown hair and olive skin. He truly was the picture of male Italian beauty! I could not help myself. I did a double take when I passed him. That was when it happened. His eyes connected with mine and I held the gaze for only a second before remembering the rules of Italian mating.

“OH CRAP!” I thought to myself, and swiftly looked down and continued walking. But it was too late. The ritual had begun. He jumped on his motorcycle and followed me down the road. When I crossed the street he followed me. When I cut down to the next street he followed me. He parked his bike, took off his helmet, and signaled for me to come over. I did, and promptly said to him in Italian that I could not speak Italian. I asked him in Italian if he could speak English. He said he could… a little. He asked me for my number. “Why do you want my number if you cannot speak English?” I asked. “Language exchange,” He replied.

Language exchange is a pretty common thing in Italy. Many legitimate people are interested in meeting native English speakers to improve their English and learn the slang that is not taught in foreign language courses.

Naively, I gave him my number and we agreed to meet the next day at a public place and at an early hour to have a language exchange. Honestly, I knew it wasn’t all innocent, but I thought there may be some fun flirting and I’d get to hang around with a really good looking Italian guy for a while. To spare you all from the uncomfortable and (only after some time has passed) “funny” story of how I almost got date raped, let me just summarize it like this; apparently language exchange in Italian really means fluid exchange.

Even though I was warned about Italian men, I was really surprised about how aggressive this guy was. Did he really think I was going to sleep with him on the first night? I mean, you know, without him even buying me dinner! A girl's got to have her standards you know! ;-) Anyway, this event was a good reminder that I was in a different country and didn’t know the rules here.

Since then, I have been approached on the street several times without me accidentally initiating it. Italian men are definitely not shy about going after what they want!  Don't get me wrong, I don't have the “don't even try it” scowl on my face anymore like I did when I first got to Italy, but I am definitely not giving the, “Hey, come talk to me,” signal either. I’m just walking, head up, no smile. Just walking. 

Now that I am finally meeting some English speaking friends in Florence, I've been asking about this trait in Italian men. “Why are these guys so horney?” I inquired. The new group of girls I met last week had many thoughts on this topic and they were happy to share, as most of them have Italian boyfriends.

One woman shared something with us that her Italian boyfriend told her when she asked him the same question. What he explained was this. Look around Florence. Look around most of Italy. We are surrounded by beauty 24 hours a day; beauty in architecture; beauty in landscape; beauty in food and beauty in the human form. We are surrounded by naked statues or paintings of physical perfection. At every corner there is a scantily clad statue of some man or woman posing suggestively with an exposed breast or a perfectly proportioned penis proudly displayed for all see. Sensuality and sex are in the air here. It permeates our thoughts without us even realizing it. It is not shameful; it's beauty.

I thought about this explanation for a few days, and as I walked through the city and through the Uffizi Art Gallery, I realized this man was absolutely correct. Florence is the birthplace of the Renaissance; the time of reborn appreciation for beauty in all things. Sex and sensuality ARE everywhere in Italy. Without realizing it, being here heightens your sexual senses. It makes you see things in a different way. It helps you see beauty in all things; even in that which is not particularly beautiful.

It all makes perfect sense to me now!

Huh… Maybe this is why I keep having erotic dreams about a man named David.


  1. Oh well...amd I can soo connect with this blog of urs every letter..about Italian men, instead I googled about Italian men, and bumped into your blog..and every letter shouts out the truth..

    unlike you, I wasnt even forewarned about italian men..bumping into one right after landing at the airport and a coincidence that I got a chance to meet a charming man a couple of times..how I wish I knew not to look straight in the eyes and not smile!!...and alas, the Italian man did his magic on me..it's been more than 10 days that I last saw him, and I still cant get over my experience with him..his frank attitude, charming talks, confident gait..and alarming confidence that baby, I've got u now, and trapped.. :)

    I'd love to date an Italian man for long and then decide whether worth marrying this Indian..still dream about him!

  2. Well i must be awful looking cos the only Italian man that was interested in me was a grandfather! Perhaps its because im Indian too?
    Love the blog though....

    1. Why wouldn't an Italian man be interested in you because you're Indian? Just curious....I'm Indian too, no problems in that department, just saying... :)

  3. They will cheat on you but treat you as if you're their girlfriend. The women do it too. You're lucky if you can find a faithful partner in Italy. They are romántic but do you mind sharing them with others who they love just as much if not more. Fine if you both cheat and for open relationships but so fucked up

  4. i know an italian guy.. he claims to love me but hez happily flirting with every othe rgirl he meets or gets a friend request on the net. If I ask him the reason behind flirting with others when I so called " complete him" he just gets angry and acts stubborn and is happy if I dnt ask him anything about it. Sex is so much in their head. I can never trust an Italian for marriage

  5. I know an Italian guy and he has eyes to die for! I just melt when I'm around him!!

  6. I went to italy unwarned, and i loved it! Im dissappointed that i had to come home again. I walk around the streets trying to smile at men now, but they all look at the pavement or their phones. I think every woman shoul dspend time in italy and really experience the passion of the italian men- just go for it i say.

  7. I came across your blog for the reason that I want to know more about Italian men. I've recently been seeing this young Italian male model. He is so sensual and intense. Sex is intense. And he doesn't have any problems with PDA. i'm hooked. He got me hooked. I'm scared that he will break my heart

  8. I met an Italian man this past summer. Oh my lawd! He was the best lover I've ever had. He is in the states trying to learn English. He made me feel so incredibly beautiful. He was super intelligent. He was a very giving lover, and he always made sure I was satisfied. Whereas American guys my age (21 and in college) are so childish, selfish, and arrogant, this Italian guy was naturally giving. He cooked pasta for me when I went to his place. He even prepared dinner at MY place. He once stopped, mid-cunnilingus to finish cooking spaghetti and make sure I had dinner, following our evening at the art gallery. I miss him terribly, and it hasn't even been 12 hrs. I have to go home for two weeks and leave the city. He will be in France by the time I get back. It's almost like a dream, the whole experience. I loved every moment of it. By the way, I'm a Nigerian-American, if anyone is wondering. Ethnic difference was no problem, and I think the cultural difference made it even sexier. A cultural exchange, if you will ;) Our last night together, he came 3 times. Then I woke up in the middle of the night to him rubbing and touching me below. He came a fourth time that night. I am still swooning. It's a shame it had to end.

  9. I causally see this Italian man from time to time. He's very intense and wouldn't take no for an answer (if I would have said no :) however he is extremely jealous or at least pretends to be. I crave this man. I don't know why. His smile. His eyes. His accent.

  10. I met this Italian guy in the last days of my stay in Italy and he made me feel like a queen. He was very sweet. He had a so beautiful and innocent smile. His eyes made me crazy the way their look at me. He cooked pasta for me the night before my flight. He has been the best lover I have ever had. Unfortunately, I had to come back home and I miss him so much. We exchange messages in Facebook once in a while, but you know, it is not the same. I hope to go back to Italy pretty soon and meet my lover again. Hopefully, he is not marry by then haha

  11. I'm mixed race Dutch-Indian woman and some years ago I visited Italy for two weeks. Such a beautiful country, beautiful nice people. I was 25 by that time and everything you write here about Italian men is true. They are incredible good-looking, charming and talkative. I did not have an affair with one back then, because I had a relationship in my home country. Nearly every Italian guy who crossed me in the streets chatted me up, asked me to marry him lol or asked where I would spend the night. You could only dream of this kind of attention in northern Europe. The point is, Italian men like pretty and slim women (every man does), skin colour is no issue I think. And yes, they know how to make a woman feel desired and pretty as if she's the only one in the whole world.. Magnetizing eyes, masculine build, deep manly voices, they're like dope for women lol. Now I met another Italian man randomly, but never talked much to him. He's the whole package of course and can flirt like the devil. He's divorced with kids and I'm sure it's because he cheated. You hear everywhere those guys can't be faithful, and I think that's true. Also very big egos they have. To spare myself heartbreak I would date one but never, never marry one.